Have you ever hit a brick wall? I did recently, and I can’t stop thinking about it. It was in the middle of cooking dinner last week. I couldn’t function, I had to stop and think about every move and what I needed to do next to keep going (seeing as how I was near extremely hot things). I started crying uncontrollably and all I could think to do was (quite literally) cry out to the Lord. “Jesus, please come rescue me!” was all I could think. Let me back up and I’ll explain why I got to this point.
Ever since finding out about baby #3 and working two jobs now, I feel as if life has been on fast forward and I can’t find the pause button for anything. My relationships have been hurting (with you-name-it and yes it’s hurting), my prayer life has been almost non-existent, my quiet time with my precious Savior completely non-existent. So you see, this brick wall was bound to happen. The only thing is, it’s almost as if I was in a car driving as fast as I could go with this brick wall ever present in front of me and yet I failed to put the brakes on and just kept driving at breakneck speed. The brick wall wasn’t going to disappear, just kept getting closer and closer. Perhaps I needed to run into it. At this point, I am so glad I did. I have been operating in the flesh, and not in the spirit. I haven’t been getting the life blood that I need from God, not drawing near to Him and therefore He hasn’t drawn near to me. So I am thankful for this abrupt stop that has been put in front of me, and oh how I am glad that my God didn’t abandon me, but stood there with open arms waiting for me to run back to Him and fall on my face before Him begging for mercy, grace and love. This grace I have needed, this grace that I have withheld from my beautiful husband and children, this mercy that I haven’t allowed to come in and flood over me because I felt as if I deserved to be in the dark.
Why do I let myself get to this point? When I drink from the living water that is Jesus, my life is complete, good, bountiful, abundant, and I can go through the day with the armor that is needed to battle living in the flesh. So why, why, WHY do I not make this my main focus of each and EVERY day? Somewhere along the way I start believing the lie that I can do this on my own, in my own flesh, and I start to sink. My family is affected, my friends are affected, my soul is affected. Oh how I need thee EVERY HOUR, Jesus! Please don’t let me forget this as I move forward, for it truly ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus. “just to rest upon His promise, just to know – thus saith the Lord” O for the precious life-giving grace to trust Him more! I am so thankful for you, Lord, and how you have changed my life. Please let me be a beacon of light to a dark world, and break down that brick wall that I built before You!
“giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” -Ephesians 5:20 (so I am thankful for hitting this brick wall, and seeing my sin for the ugliness that it is… thank you Lord!)