I am learning some valuable lessons. God has been so good to me, and I want Him to know every minute of every day that I give him the glory for the blessings that are in my life. It has been in this reflection of my blessings that I am reminded of the pain that we sometimes must go through to realize the small things, when taken away, mean so much. Allow me to explain.
I had surgery on June 28th for an incisional hernia on my lower abdomen. Whilst sitting on the gurney waiting to be rolled back to the OR I had my mother and my husband sitting in the pre-op room with me. I was so grateful that I wasn’t going through that journey alone. I was also terrified that perhaps something would happen on the operating table and I might never see my two precious children again. This juxtaposition of elation to sadness is just too much for my sensitive soul to take. I was also excited to be feeling better on the opposite side of the surgery. I’m sure that feeling will come one day, but now that I am a week out and still in a lot of pain and under a lot of restrictions it is getting tougher to remember that I did it for a reason. I am also seeing how much I take for granted during the day that I am dying to do again. I can’t pick up my babies. I can sit down and have someone hand them to me, but when Samuel comes up to me with his arms up wanting me to hold him I have to remind him of mommy’s “ouchies” and find someone to pick him up for me or go find a chair and have him crawl up in my lap. I am loving that I have family to help me through all of this though. Again, the juxtaposition of feelings. I get sad that I can’t pick up my children, but then I am so happy to have a mom who will take me in along with my entire family for an unknown period of time while I am healing and help take care of my boys 24 hours a day. And in the beginning that was literally 24 hours a day. I think of the people who might have had to go through that alone, or single moms who might have had to go through that not knowing how they are going to get through the no-lift restriction of their children. I must say I have had to break it a couple of times. One time Joseph started screaming and there was no one immediately around and I wasn’t about to make him wait while I found someone to pick him up for me. He wouldn’t have understood that at all at 10 months. I did make sure to use my arms mainly and not my abs, but still.
So where does this tie in spiritually? I can’t begin to tell you the ways. I am in awe of God’s creation, specifically the human body. No way that is a cosmic mistake. No way any of it is a cosmic mistake, but if you really think about how the human body functions… well, c’mon that’s a no brainer! I am accepting God’s leading in personal devotions as well. I had one the other morning in Job. Job is listening to God tell him that everything under heaven is His (can you imagine hearing this from God Himself?!?!) and Job says to God (ch40:v4) “Behold I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.” The devotion I read that went along with this verse was amazing. Now this was a devotion intended for women but I think it applies to everyone. She talked about the grace that God has given us via our hands to physically cup our hands to prevent us from saying something we know we shouldn’t be saying. And think of the many other things we can do with our hands that we may be taking for granted. The sweeping of hair from our face, picking up our children (which I myself can’t wait to do), patting them back to sleep in the wee hours of the night. There are many people I’m sure that can attest to not knowing this feeling because they were born without an arm, or lost an appendage in an accident. I’m just seeing that I need to be thankful for every single little thing that I am able to accomplish during the day, along with the ability to type this message out.
Again, I hope this glorifies the Lord, and that it blesses your heart in some way if you are reading this. God is real, He is big, He is just, He is merciful, He bestows grace, and He is MY SAVIOR. For this, I give the utmost to my Highest. Thank you Lord.